The Gift of Singleness: An Undivided Devotion to the Lord
For those who do not know me, my name is Jose Troche, and I am a pastor here at Covenant Life Church.
Today I am going to talk about singleness. Now, I am happily married. In fact at the end of this month I am celebrating my 15th year Anniversary!!! Yeah!
As I was studying the passage that I am going to preach from today, in 1 Corinthians 7, I was reflecting a lot about marriage and singleness. And this is what I would like to say to the singles who are listening to this message:
Marriage is overrated
Many, maybe even most people, single and married, have unrealistic and unbiblical expectations for marriage, expectations that will never be realized.
And although marriage can be good, singleness can be better. Yes! Singleness can be better! Simply because it gives you the chance to have an undistracted, undivided, focused devotion, dedication to the Lord, and that is a remarkable gift.
I gathered that from 1 Corinthians 7:25-40. Would you read it with me?
1 Corinthians 7:25-40
25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.
29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.
39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Let’s pray
The topic: singleness
As you heard last week, the Corinthians had sent a letter to Paul asking him questions about several topics and he is addressing them one by one. We get that from 7:1 “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote”. Every time Paul writes “Now concerning…” he addresses a new topic. You see those keywords in 7:25 “Now concerning the betrothed” and then 8:1 “Now concerning food offered to idols”, which we will cover next week.
But this week, we start in chapter 7 verse 25: “Now concerning the betrothed”.
That word “betrothed” is not common nowadays. It is similar but not identical to engaged. It refers to someone who has been pledged or promised to be married to someone specific. It makes more sense in a culture where marriages are arranged by the parents. Well, that is not the case among us.
When I was single the idea of arranged marriages would have sounded outrageous to me. After all, I am the one who will be married, so why should someone else pick my girlfriend. But now, I am a dad and my children are becoming teenagers, that idea does not sound that outrageous anymore…
In any case, although Paul starts the section talking about the betrothed, it will become clear that he is addressing all the unmarried, whether they are young or old, male or female, or even the ones who were once married, but not anymore. So middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and adult singles, this message is for you!
The Corinthians were wondering: “Hey, Paul, concerning the singles, should they marry or not?” And a summary of Paul’s response goes like this: “Marriage is good, but singleness can be better”. Yes, singleness is better because it lets you focus and concentrate on the Lord, it gives you a better chance to have an undivided, undistracted devotion and dedication to the Lord, in contrast to the busyness that marriage brings.
The rest of the message we will see in more detail how Paul addresses singleness in response to the question of the Corinthians.
Let’s start our journey with this exhortation …
Remain as you are, content in your current state
Read with me:
7:26-27 “I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife”.
It is good for you to remain as you are. If you are already married, stay married. And if you are single, stay single. Do not be overly preoccupied with getting married. Just remain as you are, content in your current state.
Humans have this tendency to complain and lament about their current state. The grass often looks greener on the other side. And marital state is a huge field of dissatisfaction.
The drama starts at an early age. Middle-schoolers start talking, thinking and daydreaming about relationships. “Oh, if this boy or girl would look at me, notice me, like me, it would make me so happy”. I remember growing up and having those thoughts. Dreaming about that girl who would accept me, understand me, and care for me no matter what.
Even as a relatively mature Christian, I would spend hours and tons of energy discussing with my friends about the unwritten list of potential wives. Developing a plan, weighing the odds, fearing rejection. It is such a confusing, emotionally intense season.
Many of us spend almost half of our lives, overwhelmed and preoccupied by this question: “Who would I marry?” I mean, it is an important question, after all, I am called to live with this person for the rest of my life. The stakes are high, the risk is significant. It feels like my happiness, my worth, my life, depends on finding the right spouse.
And then we get married, and we live happy and with no problems forever and ever, right?
No way Jose! As soon as you marry conflict arises. And then kids come and all of a sudden life gets really busy. You don’t sleep well, you change diapers, your schedule revolves around the kids, and then they grow up and they have homework, events, and activities. Sometimes you feel overwhelmed. You start looking back, and daydreaming and hoping… about what? About being single! You think, “man, I wasted my singleness! I had so much time, and energy, and sometimes I wish I could get them back”.
And so we spend half of our lives seeking to find a spouse and half of our lives wishing to be free…
But Paul says: “Remain as you are!” Are you bound to a wife, do not seek to be free! Are you free from a wife, do not seek a wife. Live in the present, content with your current state, remain as you are!
Next point…
Singleness is a gift, not a command
Read with me what Paul says in verse 25.
7:25: “Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment”.
The call to singleness is not a command. He already mentioned this in 7:6-8
7:6-8, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God… To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am”
Singleness is a gift, not a command.
Some of the Corinthians may have been legalistic, seeking to force people to remain single, and never get married. Some of them may have had an over-spiritualized view of singleness, suggesting it was a higher state that all people should pursue.
And Paul says no to both: to remain single is not a command, it is a gift, a concession, a call from God, granted by grace.
A forced call to celibacy and singleness when the gift is not there, can have disastrous consequences. We sadly learn in the news about priests who are forced to be single and then let out their passions in the wrong way.
That is why a careful reading of Scripture is so critical. Singleness is a gift, not a command that everyone must obey. If you do not have the gift, then get married. Because …
Getting married is not sin
That is what Paul says in 7:28 “if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned”.
This goes against the potentially wrong thinking of the Corinthians who perhaps want everyone to stay single. There are some that have been granted the gift of celibacy and singleness, but the rest should marry.
Paul is very practical and realistic about human temptations and strong passions, so he says clearly in 7:36: “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin”.
Are your passions strong? Get married! It is not sin.
Being dominated by strong passions outside marriage is sinful, but getting married is not sinful. In fact, it can help you to avoid sinning and burning with passion.
Paul says in 7:8-9: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion”
It is better to marry than to burn with passion. Humans have strong desires and passions. Some people are able to have more control over their passions and emotions, some are more vulnerable to them. Having self-control requires discipline, and the exercise of the will. This leads us to our next point
Submit your desires and passions to the Lord
7:37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.
Paul here encourages the singles to have their desires under control, rule over their passions and stay single.
Having their passions under control was a big ask for the Corinthians and is a big ask for us Americans today. The world tells exactly the opposite. The world says: “Let your sexual desires be expressed any way you want, there is no reason to restrain them, that is anti-natural, let them out”.
In our culture, desires and passions rule, no matter how selfish and self-centered they are, or who gets damaged on the way. What Paul asks here is unthinkable and completely counter-cultural. He is calling them to have control over their desires and passions and so remain single.
A quick word about emotions and passions to middle and high-schoolers. Emotions, feelings and passions are becoming stronger in your life. They are not bad by themselves. But contrary to what the world says, emotions are bad masters. Do not be ruled by them. Learn early to submit them to God.
Particularly in the area of sexual desires, it will serve you now and in the future to have them under submission.
So many have the wrong assumption that by letting them out the pressure will go away. It never goes away, not even when you get married.
The lack of self-control and bad habits formed as single are carried over into marriage and they have destructive consequences.
So I will plead with you, start today, cultivate discipline and self-control, seek purity in body and spirit. Do not let your passions and emotions rule you. Do not buy into the lie that your value comes by getting the attention at any cost of the boy or girl that you like. You are so much more precious and valued before the eyes of God.
This is actually an impossible request, because it goes against the world and your flesh, but I pray that the Spirit of God will operate a miracle in your heart, even now, and it would create a strong desire for purity impelled by the omnipotent power of God.
Now as singles contemplate the possibility of marriage they should also know that …
The married will have earthly preoccupations
Yes, Paul says: “Getting married is not a sin”
7:28c: “Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”
Paul is a realistic, down-to-earth guy. He describes married life as it is, filled with worldly preoccupations.
7:33-34a: ”… the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided”
When you marry, in some ways, life becomes more complex. You are preoccupied with earthly, mundane things. You now have to work to provide for more than yourself. You are busy trying to please your wife. There is always room for more furniture, a larger kitchen, a big yard, a cleaner garage, a safer car … the list is endless. Roughly, you have 8 hours to sleep and close to 16 hours to please your wife and family, and that includes work in and outside the home.
The married man is busy trying to please his wife.
Even the world knows that: “Happy wife, happy life”. Unhappy wife… good luck with that.
It is not much different for the wives
7:34b: ”… the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband”
Oh my, the life of a wife is tough. They are unsung heroes. Working hard from sunrise to sunset. Some have jobs, and still have to organize and arrange meals, homework, rides, and a neat home. When the kids are small, moms don’t even have time to use the restroom, life is so crazy. On top of that they have to be ready, and beautiful to please their husbands. They are busy trying to please their husbands.
The picture most singles have about marriage is so romantic, naive and unrealistic.
And that is why Paul tells the single: “Hey, if you want to marry, that is cool, but let me warn you with a realistic picture, ‘those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that’”
In contrast, life as a single can be very fruitful when lived with the right focus. Because…
Singleness allows an undivided devotion to God
Singleness is a blessing most singles do not fully value or appreciate. As single, you have so much more time and energy and simplicity, which give you the chance to invest in the things of the Lord.
7:32 The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.
Single men, young or old, divorced or widowed, singleness is a gift. You can invest in your relationship with God, growing in your knowledge of him, dedicating yourself to the study of his word, and the service in his Kingdom.
Likewise, single women
7:34b …the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.
Do not spend a lot of time adorning yourselves for external beauty, trying to attract a man, who sooner or later is going to disappoint you. Focus your energies on the things of the Lord, finding your worth and value in the Lord. Do not give away your heart to men who do not have the maturity to value what is truly important. Seek to please God, in body and spirit.
To both, single men and women, do not waste your singleness, do not put your energy and time in the wrong place. Do not be overly preoccupied with finding a boyfriend or girlfriend, do not be anxious about who you will marry.
Really,
7:35: “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord”
Ah! Singleness allows you to have an undistracted, undivided, focused devotion and dedication to the Lord.
As single you are not a second class citizen, you are not on a bench waiting for a spouse so you can be part of the A team. No! You can be valuable and fruitful for the Kingdom of God today, as a single!
Each of you has unique gifts and skills, intelligence and creativity that God has granted specifically to you. Use them for his glory. Right now you have time and energy. Do not waste this tremendous opportunity. Live fully every day.
- There are billions of people to be reached with the Gospel
- There are scientific discoveries to be found
- There are God-exalting songs to be written
- And new planets and stars to be explored.
Pursue all of those things for the glory of God.
Listen to some of the resolutions that Jonathan Edwards wrote when he was 19 years old:
- Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God’s glory
- … to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind
- Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, but what tends to the glory of God
- Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.
- Resolved, to live with all my might.
Oh I pray for many 14, 16, 19-year-old singles that will be resolved to live this way: with an undivided, undistracted devotion to the Lord!
Now the last point. It is good for all of us to remember that
This world is passing away
7:29, 31: ”… the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none… 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.”
This world is not the ultimate state, it is passing away
Marriage will come to an end. In heaven none of us will be married.
Don’t live your life as if marriage was the ultimate goal. It is not!
Marriage has some earthly benefits, but ultimately, it was created with a glorious, and eternal purpose. It was designed to point to something greater: the perfect, undefiled, unspeakable love of Christ for his church.
In heaven, we will be singing and rejoicing about this love, about how he truly loved his bride and gave himself away for her.
In heaven we will not need marriage, because we will feel perfectly loved, and we will perfectly love our God and Savior. We will never be alone, we will be completely and eternally satisfied and happy in him and with him forever and ever!
Marriage is temporary, heaven is not. Your relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, with a husband or with a wife will pass away. But your relationship with God will be eternal, fulfilling and endlessly satisfying!
Ok in summary what does this passage teach us?
- To be content in our current state
- To realize that marriage is good, but singleness can be better
- To seek an undivided, undistracted devotion to the Lord
- And to remember that marriage and a spouse are not ultimate, Christ is!